Sunnydale AU: knowing what this world is about

[americas_son]

Two days, Violet Chandler has declared, are more than enough time for Cal to mope around avoiding school. It's time for him to get back onto a normal schedule; just because he doesn't like the new arrangement doesn't excuse him from his responsibilities.

So Cal is at school, the high he's carefully maintained for the last couple of days wearing off. He's out back smoking a cigarette during lunch, but nicotine is hardly a decent substitute.

Only three and a half more hours to go.

Comments

[americas-son.livejournal.com]

Cal drops his cigarette and steps on it.

"I know it's not your thing, but. It helps."

[if_inconvenient]

He shrugs.

It is not as though he is in a position to judge.

[americas-son.livejournal.com]

Cal's not ready to go back in yet, and there's time, and the teachers have a tendency to pretend that this area doesn't exist. It's an unwritten agreement - they won't bust students for smoking if those students make it easy for them to ignore.

Cal feels like he's lived his entire life based on that kind of agreement.

(He won't draw attention to his father being a vampire if his father makes it easy for him to ignore.)

He takes out another cigarette.

"Not like it matters otherwise." As far as safety is concerned.

[if_inconvenient]

Sherlock raises his eyebrows.

[americas-son.livejournal.com]

Cal shrugs, lighting up.

"He promised."

[if_inconvenient]

"And do you believe him?"

[americas-son.livejournal.com]

Cal takes a painfully deep pull from his cigarette.

"Yes."

It's the least convincing lie he's told in a long, long time. Sherlock isn't the only one he's lying to.

[if_inconvenient]

"You don't," he concludes.

[americas-son.livejournal.com]

Cal holds the smoke in as he would with weed, until the nicotine makes him too dizzy and he has to let it out.

"I do."

(He has to.)

"He still wants - the same things as before. It would, it wouldn't make any sense to kill any of us."

[if_inconvenient]

"I have noticed that vampires tend to have very poor impulse control."

[americas-son.livejournal.com]

"Well, what else can I do?" Cal asks shortly. "He's my dad."

He kicks at the cigarette butt laying at his feet.

[if_inconvenient]

"That is where my expertise falls short."

[americas-son.livejournal.com]

Cal's hand trembles as he raises the cigarette to his mouth again.

"I just . . . have to deal with it," he says quietly, after a moment.

However he can.

(Thinking isn't something he can just turn on and off. But he's trying, more desperately than he ever has before, to turn it off and leave it that way.

It hasn't worked out very well so far, but it's only been a couple of days. He just needs more time. More time and he can be as mindless as he's ever tried to be.

Maybe he'd be better at it now, if he'd ignored Sherlock and Tony in Milliways that day.)

[if_inconvenient]

"I would rather you dealt with it in a way that left you still able to interact with reality, but that is not my decision to make."

[americas-son.livejournal.com]

"Reality hasn't got a whole lot going for it right now," Cal mutters.

[if_inconvenient]

"But it is the only game in town."

[americas-son.livejournal.com]

"Only if I run out."

He won't. He'll make sure of that.

[if_inconvenient]

"And yet, while you hide in your foul-smelling cloud, the world continues to turn."

[americas-son.livejournal.com]

Cal shrugs in answer.

It seems to be doing okay without him.

[if_inconvenient]

"It does get lonely out here, Cal."

[americas-son.livejournal.com]

Cal glances over at him.

[if_inconvenient]

He smiles, wryly.

[americas-son.livejournal.com]

"So break in sometime," Cal suggests, his tone sightly lighter.

Though he makes no promises about trying to be sober for it.

[if_inconvenient]

"Well, now that you invite me."

[americas-son.livejournal.com]

"I'm in the same wing as Peter's office," Cal says. "Down the hall a little, on the other side of the hall."

It hadn't been a bedroom, but Peter had it turned into one.